drink every time i say the word “november”
It’s been a long long while.
Hopefully this post can be escapism as well as a moment to dedicate gratitude (and to just feel a good feeling).
Let’s cut straight to the point. As I was making my dinner, “November” by Tyler the Creator started playing in my head. It started with the part “everyday was November”, as if it was giving me some sort of sign (I’m big on signs). A song I haven’t heard in… months? A year? I realized, I had to write about it. So in real time, without much planning, I want to.
“November”, a song near the end of Tyler’s album Flower Boy (2017), discusses a time in his life when it just felt good to live– something good happened to you, because of you, with you. It’s a time that you want to go back to as you stand in a current state of anxiety and unsuredness. The middle of the song features other people answering when their “November” was. November isn’t a month. It’s a moment, a gift, a person, a song, or a weekend. It’s as long as a year and as short as a night.
“What’s your November? Is it a person?“
In 2017, when this album came out, I got my first internship at a museum. I lived on my college campus for the summer to be closer to the city, and by luck, errors and confusion, I got the whole apartment to myself. I was forced to get acclimated to public transportation and calm the fear of getting lost by myself. I made friends at that museum and built the foundation of my senior thesis on this summer. I would stare out at the sky on the train ride back and meet up with my friend for sushi, then we would come back to my empty apartment and watch Youtube videos for hours. I planned my study abroad experience in Switzerland (that happened only a month after my internship was over). I listened to this album during all of these moments, not knowing that through the ups and the downs of that summer, it would become one of my Novembers.
Another November was all the way in the summer of 2011. I was going into my freshman year of high school, and I was already on the colorguard. I don’t think I will ever forget the feeling of hearing the band’s instruments all around me. I had not yet been to a concert (I would see One Direction the following year), and the live music felt like I could fly. It was “All That Jazz” themed, and the colorguard were… like some sexy… something or others? I’m not sure what we were meant to be, but we had leotards, ruffles, red lips and 1920’s wigs, if that helps with the imagination. Being 14 and dancing through jazz music was simple euphoria. We practiced in the heat of the sun, the rain, and performed in front of hundreds at every half time. I felt on top of the world, smiling down with a feeling of eternal bliss. I never knew I was a performer, but when everyone got into position every Friday night and the trumpet solo started, there was absolutely nothing that could stop me. Not a sailed flag, a misstep, or an unenthused crowd. If the world shut off right as the last instrument played, I would be ok.
Of course, my college trip to Puerto Rico was a November, and here is a link with other links on where to donate to PR. I would also say that the rest of 2016 was a November. I emerged from Puerto Rico with a brand new group of friends, and we did so much together. Most notably, we all got Tinders together for the first time and would sit in a circle, as if it was an event every night after dinner, to review everyone we saw. We had so many funny moments as we collectively bonded, liked, and messaged. That was also the time during the “group dating” feature where you would add your friend’s accounts into a group and then match with other groups. The circus really came into town then.
There are also Novembers that I love from six feet away. Studying abroad was still something that I am unpacking, now three years later. It was definitely one of the hardest times of my life, but without it I wouldn’t have emerged a phoenix (in progress!). My self care was tested, my self worth was tested, my patience was… whatever the word is for beyond tested, and I needed something as extreme as living in Switzerland by myself to learn the importance of self preservation and plain and simple, being selfish. Let me say “self” one more time. Self. In addition to that, I wouldn’t have found BTS when I did. ARMY always says that we find BTS when we needed to not necessarily when we wanted to. I believe that. At the very least, I was able to see the most beautiful sights I have ever seen in my life. I’ve seen water as clear as vodka and as blue as sapphire. I’ve ran through cities from the 12th century just to catch the last bus home and strolled through courtyards during golden hour among buildings that I only saw in my art history books. That alone is a November.
Near the end of the song “November”, the phrase “take me back” repeats. But there is a reason why the world didn’t stop during your Novembers or go in reverse. Moments like these can never be repeated, only appreciate in the moment and beyond, even if we set it up just so (and as a Cancer sun, I have tried to set up a moment to happen the exact same on multiple occasions).
Try to think about all of your Novembers. Give it gratitude, but don’t get too lost. We don’t need a present day pity party. Maybe a November has been building for months, but you’re too close to see it in full. Or just maybe, it’s so dark now because the dawn of November will face you with such intensity that the weight lifted off of your chest will make you stumble. I’m not Raven Baxter, so I can’t prove either of these things, but what does it hurt to hope for another November?
A lot of my Novembers involve other people, a community, which we can’t have right now. But remember that hard times like the one we are in, riddled with similar uncertainty and catastrophic thinking as in this song, can never last. Nothing does, good or bad, not even Novembers.
Love,
P.S. alexa, play “everythinggoes” by RM. happy birthday, namjoon.
Kennedy 
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