Kennedy

A response to my 2016 self asking all the good questions to my 2018 self.

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Yanking the spike of my heels up from the bright green grass as I run, I touch my hair to make sure the humidity didn’t get to the braid-out. I approach the casket above the ground with a racing heart, and lean on the person in the front row of the service while I adjust my right shoe. She grabs my arm for extra support, whispering to me that I’m late and that I missed it. I look down at 20 year old me, lying their peacefully, not moving at all. She was one year old, yet fully grown, with a bleeding knee from her trips to Europe and light up shoes she bought a few weeks after being born. It wasn’t a sad goodbye, but one that wasn’t exactly sweet either. My 19 year self that stood beside me looks over, touching the silver ‘K’ necklace that matches the one of the me in the casket. 

“This is new.” she remarks.

“I know,” I speak low to her without looking up at her as the casket rolls down into the ground, “She wanted to be cremated.”

“Oh,” 19 year old me responds in shock– she didn’t know this about herself yet, “Well, do you wanna get pimento fries?”

My current 21 year old self finally looks over at 19 year old me. She had her hair out but braided down in the front because she had just recently cut her bangs too short. Tinder was her new favorite thing so she had to look her best in public just in case she had a freak encounter with someone she was trolling. We turn away from the service and begin walking away. I pretend not the notice the various ages of myself gawking at my current self, some in amazement and some in disgust.

“What about a mojito?” I say with my arms folded. Immediately, we both almost tumble to the ground as 20 year old had resurrected as a gentle ghost and quietly ran to catch up with us.

“Mojito sounds so good.” 20 year old me says, throwing her long braids over one shoulder and tucking her ‘Vogue’ t-shirt into her black high-waisted shorts.

“We’re both too young.” 19 year old me definitely just said that to 20 year old me in a judging tone.

“I studied abroad in Europe,” 20 year old me smiles as she won the quick debate. Then she remembered something, and turned back to 19 me, “Didn’t you drink with your friends a couple of months ago?”

19 me’s eyes met the green grass very quickly, keeping a tight lip. 

16 year old me approaches us with excitement in an oversized plaid shirt and black leggings, “Can we go get crab legs?”

“Yikes.” 18 year old me piped up from behind my current self, “You’re… vegetarian now,” Then, she looks at my current self, “Right?”

“Right,” I confirm. Sighing, I look around to make sure all of my me’s are coming to get lunch. I look towards the sky, laughing, “You girls have a lot to learn.”

17 year old me turns around, “Who’s president?”

19, 20, and 21 year old me collectively let out an, “Oooooo,” before 21 year old me steers the conversation, “We don’t have to learn everything today. What about ice cream?”

The entire crowd of me’s hum in satisfaction. 20 year old me fast walks from in between 19 and 21 year old me to catch up with 14 year old me and gives her a severe talking to. Watching in entertainment, 19 year old me looks over and says quietly,

“Happy birthday.”

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19 y.o. Kennedy: Hello me. Where are you right now? I’m in my room at home.

21 y.o. Kennedy: Greetings. I too am in my room at my home

19K: I think 2016 was mostly shitty because no one really saw it coming. I give it a 4/10. Now going into 2017, I am bracing for it, so maybe it won’t be so bad since I’m not giving too much hope into it? Rate 2017.

21K: mmmmmm………a solid 7 or 8/10 I would say. definitely.

19K: 2017 in three words?

21K: *sighs* so many stories.

19K: What did you do for your birthday?

21K: I got an internship at a museum so I spent it with my amazing coworkers in my brand new floral jumpsuit. it was fun.

19K: Favorite song?

21K: I think obviously Paradise by Coldplay will be my favorite song for… ever? but like current favorite song… I don’t really have one right now. I’m in kind of a lull with my playlist like I haven’t been really looking for music. Maybe something by Tame Impala. “Cause I’m A Man”?

19K: What skill did you learn?

21K: Skill?….. I wish I could say swim or skate. literally the two things I wanna do and been wanting to do for like…. a mean like a decade or over a decade. But for now I think a skill I’ve learned is predicting the future through my dreams. no lie.

19K: What did you learn about yourself?

21K: too much to write right now.

19K: #girlbossmoment?

21K: I mean… I studied abroad with a bunch of people I didn’t like who had values rooted in racism so… like what wasn’t a girl boss moment.

19K: Boyfriend?

21K: nope

19K: Tattoos?

21K: no

19K: Best day? (2016 for me was the entire week of Puerto Rico)

21K: I love that it’s literally hard to choose. Like that’s how you know how much better 2017 was compared to 2016. like the first half was me in the city and the second half was me traveling around Europe. I can’t choose.

19K: Worst day? (2016 for me was my car accident in December)

21K: …. hm. this is gonna sound so like prissy, but there was this one day in Italy…

19K: Last song on my ‘Feel Good’ playlist? Is it still called ‘Feel Good’? (2016- “That Other Girl” Sevdaliza)

21K: Raincoat by Timeflies. I have only heard the song once so I can’t even tell you how it goes.

19K: Wow at this point you don’t have to take German anymore. How do you feel?

21K: I’m literally taking advanced German next semester you bitch joke is on you!!!!!! I can’t believe I’m doing this voluntarily.

19K: Did Mr. Kate get to 1 million subscribers?

21K: uh, I think so? I don’t really watch her anymore…

19K: The last movie you watched?

21K: …hm. Oh it was this documentary about sexual abuse in Hollywood, but I forgot the name.

19K: Favorite color? (2016-mustard)

21K: not… mustard. I’ve really been feeling dark blue-green.

19K: How are you feeling?

21K: fine. not extremely good, but not extremely sad. I’m just. here. which isn’t fun like I wish I was like I;M HAppY!! But… yeah. But it’s fine, I mean it’s not but. yes! It’s really ok I’m doing a lot of creative things and being left alone majority of the day so that is so exciting. Simply put– I’m better than in 2016